Staying in the Conversation
Photo by Matthew Fassnacht on Unsplash

Staying in the Conversation

Have you ever wondered why communication with your mate was so easy when dating?  Do you remember all the nights of reduced sleep because hours effortlessly slipped by while you enjoyed talking about everything?   At that time, your relationship was one of full support. After taking on the world together,  communication became different, strained, and sometimes you may even avoid communication.  How does that happen?  Why does it happen?  Among other reasons, once your life becomes one, you share the same problems. You are no longer an outside observer and supporter; the stresses and problems of your mate, are now also yours.

To complicate the matter, communication styles are often very different between the sexes. This YouTube video is brilliant at highlighting these differences.

The Video Nailed IT!  Our communication styles can make conversations more challenging.  Learning to value each communication filter is a key to unlocking your superpower as a couple.

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 Not only do men and women communicate differently, but all people have various love languages.  What communicates love to you, may not be the same for your mate.  “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman is a fascinating read to improve the bond between couples. The book is an oldie but goodie; I highly recommend reading it.  The premise of the book is learning to show love in your relationship the way that your mate will understand.

An individual may feel loved when their partner spends time with them; for others, it is receiving gifts, acts of service, accommodation, or simply touch.  Understanding what makes your mate “feel” loved, and showing love in that way greatly improves your bond.  Often we show love in ways we feel loved, but if that isn’t the way our mate interprets love, they may not be receiving our message.  Conversely, you may not be perceiving their expressions of love as well. The book sells for less than eight dollars, click the link of the title to view on Amazon.

Not a reader of books?  I just read a great Blog on the  5 Communication Mistakes That Kill Relationships. on Mindbodygreen.com.  Another great read, especially if you do not have the time to read a book!  Number 3 and 4 stood out to me.

3. Not communicating a problem or harsh truth

In our attempt to blend two separate families into one, meant confronting harsh truths on both sides early on! I remember the moment I felt we were not going to be that power couple we envisioned.  It seemed despite our intense love and commitment to hard work, we just did not have the communication skills.  I can also remember the moment we came back to the conversation, both willing to be stronger than the issue at hand. It can be very tough and tiring to see difficult conversations through to resolution.  The ability to talk through any problem and work through harsh truths are the lifeblood of strong relationships.

No. 4 on the MBG list was Not Communicating at all (or being passive aggressive). Cutting off communication, or speaking/acting aggressively may be an attempt at self-preservation but a relationship is being murdered. Killing communication is intentionally killing the relationship.  Wow, I thought this point was powerful and worth sharing.  Even when it is difficult, do your utmost to always act in love.  You will not be perfect, but you’ll get it right most of the time.  Explaining to your mate that you may need to delay communication to a  time when you are emotionally or mentally prepared is not cutting communication.  Always let your partner know that you are committed to the conversation even if you can not have the conversation at the moment.

Solutions in life and marriage are not always simple. If you want a simple happy marriage, effective communication is a must. Keep committed to open, honest and loving communication for a powerful life.  Communication is a skill. When both partners work at it they reap many rewards.  With continued practice, the difficult conversations get easier. One becomes more comfortable with dwelling in the problem until the answer becomes apparent to both partners.  There will always be difficult conversations, yet they will become easier to have.

Happy Marriage
photo credit: Ryan Jacobson

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