My Apologies
Photo Credit Sharon McCutcheon

My Apologies

Dear Diary

Before I speak to you about my thoughts and beliefs about food and the important role it plays in our health, happiness, and wellbeing I want to share something very personal with you.  From a very young age, I found that I had innate beliefs around the foods we eat. Long before I understood what is in processed and packaged foods, I had persistent thoughts on whether or not these foods could be harming my body. This consciousness caused me to struggle with food. I enjoy all food, real or manufactured. Yet I found that if I ate manufactured foods, I could not ignore the inner voice that told me I was being reckless with my health.  Today we often eat what is convenient without much consideration to what it does to our bodies.  In August 2016 I found myself once again struggling with food, guilt, and weight.  I journaled about this and what came out was surprising and personal.  Today, I’m going to share this journal excerpt with you and the world, hoping it may benefit you in some way.

17 August 2016

My Dear Companion,

As long as I can remember, you and I have been inseparable.  I can’t believe it has taken me some 43 years to realize how wonderful you are.  Each time I have been sick, you have made me well.  When I have become injured, you are the one that worked tirelessly to heal my wounds.  You have been quick to respond appropriately to my needs when I have become excited, scared, emotional or anxious.  You have always just known how to react to bring me back into balance.  You have carried me more miles than I could count, and when I have selfishly demanded more from you, you have risen to the occasion and given me your best. I can not think of one time that you have seriously let me down.  I have always just counted on you to be with me, hardly giving you a second thought.

I realize now how extremely ungrateful I have been.  So many times I have openly complained about you to friends or been somewhat embarrassed even to be seen with you.  I have abused you by knowingly exposing you to toxic substances that could be harmful.  Pleasure or time was more important to me than your wellbeing. Now, I complain at how you must carry that extra baggage around with us wherever we go?  What gives me that right?  As I contemplate how I have acted towards you, I realize any friend treating me this way, would have long lost my friendship and trust. 

I want to apologize to you and change the way I treat you.  From this day forward, I will try not to abuse you.  I am going to make greater effort to take care of you just as well as you have taken care of me.  I will think about what I am asking you to process.  I will not blame others for my actions, or throw up my arms and just relent to the standard American diet.  I will not let what others are doing around me dictate what I choose.  I will stand up for what I morally think is right.  I will fight for you.  I am going to make every effort to live, eat and move in ways I know is best for you.  I am going to think before I choose what I force you to take on.  Despite any addictions, I will think about how this will affect my lifelong companion that has been such a wonderful friend to me.   

For the first time, I want to thank you for all you have done for me.  I appreciate how you have done your best despite all the unappreciative ways I have treated you. I am proud of you.  I think you are beautiful, resourceful, athletic, as so much more.  I promise not to put unrealistic expectations on you.  Just treat you the way I should have been all along. I will love you for all you have done and continue to do. 

Your Closest Friend,

Sarah

” Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world.  Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” – Rumi

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